Any Good Jokes ?
- Thread starter POPE5HAT
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DRider
Wannabie Member
Hmm..
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
aandd..
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
aandd..
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
MrSkidmark72
Wannabie Member
Apparently the man who got eaten by a shark in the Seychells didn't suffer too much........ He'd only been married 10 days.
pizzaonaninja
Wannabie Member
POPE5HAT said:
I may have a slight understanding of what may be happening here Gross
my 2 cents:
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
One Man is asking his friend, "why are you smiling? The friend answered ," I am not smiling, my face is looked like a smiling face".
Another one, Teacher asking a student," what is you name? student replied, "student".
Are these jokes good jokes? It make you laugh?
Another one, Teacher asking a student," what is you name? student replied, "student".
Are these jokes good jokes? It make you laugh?
AZZ3R
Wannabie Member
Spam'onnn
Saw this the other day.
Why when Japanese people cry, does it look like English people laughing?
^ Not really a joke but was funny at the time of reading.
(Personally, I think it was an assination not a "Heart Attack".)
Conspiracy maaaaann.
What is the fastes ethnicity to get to sleep?
The Chinese because they have less distance to close their eyes.
Saw this the other day.
Why when Japanese people cry, does it look like English people laughing?
^ Not really a joke but was funny at the time of reading.
(Personally, I think it was an assination not a "Heart Attack".)
Conspiracy maaaaann.
What is the fastes ethnicity to get to sleep?
The Chinese because they have less distance to close their eyes.
BritishMotovlogger
Wannabie Member
My psychology teacher told us the hormone joke - very relaxed school!POPE5HAT said:
And the tiger one still makes me laugh!
This one I pulled off facebook
Didn't help myself today when the police pulled me over because they suspected I was driving with no insurance.
"F*cking filthy pigs" I raged, "have you got nothing else better to do, like arresting murderers and rapists?"
"Any more language like that, and you'll be arrested" he snapped.
"I'm sorry, I said, "It's just the beer talking."
Scottishrider2011
Wannabie Member
At the start of an exam, the invigilator says, "You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed."
Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."
One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later while the invigilator already has all of the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it.
The student puffs up his chest and says: "Do you have any idea who I am?", "No," says the invigilator. "Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.
Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."
One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later while the invigilator already has all of the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it.
The student puffs up his chest and says: "Do you have any idea who I am?", "No," says the invigilator. "Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.
....
Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."
One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later while the invigilator already has all of the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it.
The student puffs up his chest and says: "Do you have any idea who I am?", "No," says the invigilator. "Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.[/quote]
haha Amazing!
One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later while the invigilator already has all of the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it.
The student puffs up his chest and says: "Do you have any idea who I am?", "No," says the invigilator. "Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.[/quote]
haha Amazing!
Mikesmotorbike
Wannabie Member
IRDUG said:
pure genious xD
Toxicbeaver
Wannabie Member
A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time, he says "this is Amanda."
His dad jumps up , "It's a fecking what?"
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had , so for a laugh, i decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a willy on his face.
My wife went mental when she looked in his cot!!!
His dad jumps up , "It's a fecking what?"
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had , so for a laugh, i decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a willy on his face.
My wife went mental when she looked in his cot!!!
digit
Wannabie Member
Q: Was anybody dumb enough to be vegetarian 200 years ago?
A: Yes! Everybody who was too dumb to learn to fish or hunt.
Q: How many PETA activists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: PETA activists can't change anything.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cheeseburger?
A: One, if nobody's looking.
Q: Do all vegetarians love animals?
A: No, some just really hate vegetables.
Q: Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Q: What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
A: GggrrrrRRAAAIIIiiinnNNnnsSs!
Q: What do you call a group of vegetarian rappers?
A: Wu-Tang Clan
Two hippie vegan chicks are at the organic farmer's market. They each pick up the longest, fattest, cucumber they can find. They go to pay and and the farmer says "Y'know, those are 3 for a dollar." The girls stare at eachother for a second "well... I guess we could eat one of them."
A: Yes! Everybody who was too dumb to learn to fish or hunt.
Q: How many PETA activists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: PETA activists can't change anything.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cheeseburger?
A: One, if nobody's looking.
Q: Do all vegetarians love animals?
A: No, some just really hate vegetables.
Q: Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Q: What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
A: GggrrrrRRAAAIIIiiinnNNnnsSs!
Q: What do you call a group of vegetarian rappers?
A: Wu-Tang Clan
Two hippie vegan chicks are at the organic farmer's market. They each pick up the longest, fattest, cucumber they can find. They go to pay and and the farmer says "Y'know, those are 3 for a dollar." The girls stare at eachother for a second "well... I guess we could eat one of them."
Mikesmotorbike
Wannabie Member
digit said:
brilliant xD
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